A tad askew from the traditional view

Friday, December 23, 2005


George W. Bush is a Superhero, and very likely the first to actually be a real live person. His super powers come directly from his Cloak of Patriotism, which was created especially for him a little over four years ago.

On September 11, 2001, to be exact, while the President was being frantically flown from one part of the country to another, and after the Vice President had high-tailed it to an "undisclosed location," Karl Rove (remember him?) was busy in the basement sewing room of the White House putting the final touches on this brand new and magical Cloak. At exactly 8:30 PM on that day, with the President back in the White House, Rove threw the finished Cloak over George W. Bush and put him before a national audience for a five minute speech. The results exceeded Karl's fondest hopes. The President's numbers were rising by the minute. The Cloak of Patriotism had passed its initial test with flying colors.

Three days later, anxious to try out the Cloak on the road, Rove threw it over the President once again and took him to Ground Zero in New York. There, he gave him a bullhorn in front of a bevy of construction workers, and sat back and glowed with pride. As the President ended a brief speech with a hearty "God Bless America," and the workers chanted "USA USA USA," the poll numbers soared to their highest level ever - the absolute zenith of his presidency. The Cloak was suddenly on the verge of becoming an instant legend.

At first, as with most awesome things, it was used sparingly, but soon it became apparent that under the Cloak of Patriotism the President could do almost anything he wanted, without the usual need for justification or even a rational explanation. He could even do preposterous things. His inner circle said to him..."Hey, let's just wind down that Afghanistan thing...There's nothing worth while there ...No oil at all...Let's go kick ass in Iraq...You know Sadam was going to knock off your daddy?.....And, while we're at it, screw civil rights.".....They threw the Cloak over Bush and - presto - it was done. And it was exactly at this point that they discovered that the Cloak not only enabled the President to do anything he wanted, but that it also had the power to reflect any criticism directly back to it's source with a withering burst of energy.

Anti-war critics were soon being cooked to a crisp by the destructive capabilities of the Cloak and it eventually became apparent that its powers went beyond anything that had been imagined. Indeed, whole countries were decimated at will. France, and all of its 61,000,000 citizens, were denigrated to the lowest conceivable level - possibly below contemptuous - after Bush donned the Cloak and repelled the anti-war criticisms of its leader.

John Kerry's greatest misjudgment in the 2004 Presidential campaign may perhaps have been his inability to grasp the huge significance of the Cloak that Rove had woven. Naively, perhaps, thinking that anyone could wear one, he actually got hold of a lesser cloak and tried it on, using his credentials as a legitimately decorated war hero, against the President's record as a war-dodging, allegedly absentee member of the National Guard. What a mistake. Rove's Cloak, tested in battle, and refined under a variety of situations, easily prevailed. The swift boat gang from Texas threw it over the President and proceeded to turn Kerry's record into a "fraudulent" pile of ashes. Kerry conceded defeat in a telephone call to Bush at around 11:00 AM EST on the morning of November 3, 2004.

While there is evidence that its powers may be waning, the Cloak still seems to have some life. Just this week, Democratic Representative John Conyers, Jr. of Michigan - serving his 19th term in the House - made public a proposed resolution to censure the President and Vice President for allegedly lying to the Congress in order to justify invading Iraq. Within minutes, a presidential spokesperson responded by throwing the Cloak of Patriotism over President Bush and announcing that if Conyers spent as much time fighting terrorism as he did attacking the President the country would be better off for it. To what extent Conyers will soon be reduced to a simpering, whimpering turncoat of a terrorist-loving traitor by the Cloak-wearing, Patriotic, Superhero President, remains to be seen.

Meanwhile, for those who may have wondered what Rove is doing these days - besides praying that he stays out of prison and making sure that the pharmaceuticals won't have to pay for any part of the proposed budget cuts - it's a pretty fair bet that he's holed up in the basement sewing room of the White House at this very minute, toiling over the creation of a new super power for the President, possibly called the Cloak of Religious Righteousness.

A Happy Holiday to all who happen past this site. Please join me in a serious wish that the year 2006 will somehow bring an improvement in the conduct of America's affairs, both at home and abroad.........Dave McGill


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